Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I love you. Go after that dick
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
