I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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