Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
