woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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