If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
