My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
