Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
