She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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