I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
