**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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