I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
