I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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