I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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