I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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