i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just gargled with NyQuil
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
