dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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