I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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