I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
