I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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