My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
