he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
