My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
