I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
