Me. At least after what I've been through.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when itβs pouring snow.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Randomize
