Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
