He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
