seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
bring money and cleavage
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
