Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i think my cat just said my name.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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