Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
