Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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