obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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