Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
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