He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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