we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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