it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
