Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
