I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he was CRYING into my vagina
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
