new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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