Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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