So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
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