Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
