I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
