and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
