"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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