I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
