I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
