im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
