I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
