He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
