It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
