im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
