Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
