Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
